I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
