i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize