This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
