You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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