a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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