Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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