I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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