The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
