These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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