Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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