4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
