I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
