He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
