How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
