were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
