You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
