it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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