Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
