someone get that fucking seahorse.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
