well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
