Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My balls are so social today.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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