Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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