i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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