I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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