Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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