I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
