threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
