I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
