i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
