umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
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