I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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