HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
