I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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