I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
