idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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