I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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