No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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