i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
