You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
