Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
