thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
