May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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