Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
