glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
