Please, let me fuck your mom
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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