Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
