I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
