Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
