look no pants
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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