I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
