Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
