I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
