Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
