just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
