Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just threw up on my dentist
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he fucked my hip out of place.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
