We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
