i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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