Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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