Your face is a jimmy john
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
