im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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