You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
