Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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