I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
