I cockslap morals
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
