Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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