I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
